MY REMEMBERING 9/11

I’ll never forget 9/11 for many reasons, and I remember this day pristinely.

During this time, I was a social work case manager in the Bronx and we would have trainings around the city. The World Trade Center was one of them.

On 9/11/2001, around 8:50 am, I had gone to the local bodega for my breakfast, as was my usual routine. At 9:04, my partner Luis reached me by cell and was frantic and crying. He said he was trying to reach me and had a difficult time getting through the phones. I asked him what was wrong and he asked me if I was at the World Trade Center because he knew I attended trainings there. I told him not today but that I was scheduled on 9/17 (the following Monday) and asked him “why?” He said because he just heard the WTC was attacked. As I was walking upstairs, and he was telling me this I witnessed on tv the second WTC being hit. I was in utter shock and goosebumps surfaced along with tears.

My coworkers and I were glued to the TV. Everything came to a halt outside! It took forever to find a way home. Around 1:00 I was able to flag down a cab since the trains had stopped by this time. As I was outside waving down cabs, I could see a cloud heading towards the Bronx and looming over the city. You see, I was only 20 minutes away.

New York State was in a state of emergency. New York City was on lockdown. No trains, buses, no leaving by car over any of the bridges or tunnels. I knew I had to get home.

Eventually, I made it home and remained glued to the live news about what was happening to my city. All I knew was that as soon as I could get out of NYC I was on the next train. I wanted to get out of the city and be in the arms of the man I loved.

Additionally, this happened on a Tuesday and normally I had class in Union Square. The class was clearly canceled this evening. My teacher wrote an email to all of her students discussing the bloodshed and how deep of an impact this has on various levels of our being.

The next morning, it was announced on the news that some trains were operational. I traveled from the upper NorthEast Bronx, all the way to Penn Station. It took longer than normal but I didn’t care. On the trains, I saw the extreme exhaustion on the faces of the police officers, medical personnel, and firefighters that were traveling by train. There was grayish dust mixed with dried blood coating them and THE smell! Passengers were teary. Some had this lost look in their eyes. I have never seen my New York like this. I bought my ticket for NJ Transit, awaited my train, and left.

As I was riding alongside 95, with a solemn heaviness, I witnessed the two plumes of smoke where the two World Trade Towers once stood. I cried my way to Philadelphia and could not imagine the horror of the lost lives and souls that hovered what was, to some, their jobs and now their final burial site.

I made it to see Luis and couldn’t be any happier! If the world was going to come to an end, it was with him that I wanted to be. We held each other and he kissed me endlessly because he was grateful I wasn’t there today for my regular training. Spared from death once again, I was only 6 days off from my demise. This was the final push for me to move out of NYC and to be here in Philadelphia.

I cry every 9/11 since the first day, not just because of what happened to my city, as one of the main reasons to have left but also due to my Luis that died a few years later that left me a widow even before we were married. 9/11 reminds me of loss on various levels. It’s a day to mourn, remember, and be grateful for my aliveness.

Every time I see an old movie with the twin towers, a tear rolls down. Every time 9/11 rolls around, tears come up. When I see a movie about it, I can’t help but watch it and I still cry. I remember the loss of the twin towers (where I had gone on an elementary school trip), the loss of lives and the suffering of those who survived around it and all that is affected, and its connection to my Luis who was the love of my life. I didn’t leave him that day only for him to die another day.

New York City has never been the same to me since that day. The New York City of my time and what is still at the core of me remains in my heart. I’ll always be a New Yorker, wherever I go and however I grow. Love, when it’s true love, may change in form but always remains true.

(I forgive the WTC for spelling my last name wrong.)