What I've been saying recently is that it seems as though that the first 10-15 years of life and all that happens during this time is so compacted that we spend the rest of our lives showing what the product of this earlier time period has created. It seems as though that we spend the rest of our lives undoing whatever damage that was incurred and facing or hiding our wounds. It is amazing to know from personal experience how the little version of myself made such quick choices that determined whether this world is safe or not. In less than a nano of a second we choose and from this choice spirals and creates this domino effect that follows us in life. We can play victims by hiding in the dark void of the shadows within the subconscious/unconsciousness or we can be victors and choose to use the inner wisdom as the flashlight that guides our transmutation, transformation and transfiguration.
As we are knowing which role, victor or victim, we are playing we are playing a game with our wounds. The wounded parts of us attract to wounded parts of others and we can either be wound-mates, that fall into patterns of dysfunction or we can be soul-mates that rise to the opportunity of changing these wounds into healing. We take the flashlight of inner wisdom and slowly sift through these old patterns that have melded and crystallized and we invite love in to reduce the desire of darkness so that light can travel more easily through it.
In the interim, our wounds have created a fortress and intense armor around our hearts keeping it captive. We perceive that the armor keeps us from further harm but what we fail to recognize is that this armor also keeps us, ourselves, trapped from the inside. The heart is a muscle that expands and contracts and if we apply pressure to the chest cavity we can threaten the heart by reducing its function and cause more stress on it. The heart is the first mind and is the central intelligence that gives life to the body. When we limit the expansion of our hearts we restrict and reduce the quality of our lives. The tissues in the body responds to this in fear and the sympathetic nervous system is engaged. The cells are defensive and over a sudden parts of us start shutting down or flaring up. This is because each cell in our body knows this isn't our nature. Each cell in our being knows that this isn't loving.
These last few days, I had the pleasure of doing more intense work with an amazing group of individuals studying advanced techniques of CranialSacral Therapy through SomatoEmotional Release(realization). We all had our own processing and became receivers. I experienced this profound gift with a guy that I had the honor of working with. I led the session with a hands on therapeutic approach and he was deep in a process that ended with him softening into my hands and falling basically into my lap as he was guided on the floor from the table. I/we as a small group, held him and complete nurturing and safety. He melted and allowed himself to receive. It was beautiful to be a part of. It was beautiful to hold another man and his little boy at the same time. Such sweetness in the moment that I was touched beyond words. It was an incredible gift to experience. After the session was over, it was my turn. The adventure took me to visualizing the armor I still hold from my past and see how it continues to hold my heart captive. I continue to hold my heart captive because of fear of trusting the world that started a few lifetimes ago and continued as I was being cultivated in my mothers wound with the words I would hear that this wasn't where I was welcome. I saw this armor as an opportunity to keep me safe but learned it was holding me imprisoned at the same time. It served a purpose back then but no longer in the now. As the session continued the group all placed their hands on my heart and I could feel their loving intention. It was a powerful moment to receive this support. Imagine, just having your heart held literally and figuratively until the tightness melted away and the heart beat was expanding with each breath. I just lay there for some time as they just held the space for me. It was beautiful. My fragments connect to the fragmented. My wholeness connects to wholeness. As my pieces are remembering how they are part of one whole the more I love from a deeper place the clearer I see.
Stan Jerome, the instructor of this last course said "I've noticed that the more advanced the classes become the less men are in the group. That there is a specific men that are drawn to them but an archetype of men do not attend because of the nature of the work being more feminine because of its gentle and nurturing approach. If the work was called Inner Warrior versus Inner Wisdom, then men would more likely attend." It was great to here this. From my experience, a lot of healing circles tend to contain women. Including yoga. Unless is a Bro-Yoga.
There are layers and layers of stories imprinted upon our cells, organs, tissues, structures and systems that span the distance of time in this body, and even before (if you believe in reincarnation.) Vulnerability is the gift we are given and entitled to have as humans. Coming from our hearts is being vulnerable.
Little boys are generally gender neutral and I'll go as far as saying that we were all basically bi-sexual. Little boys who aren't forced into stereotypical roles end up growing up more wholesome and in touch with both aspects of the feminine and masculine. This goes for little girls too. Somewhere along the line, influenced by society, school and proximally by parents themselves; which contain their own wounds and pass them down generationally, children are forced into models of conformity. Little boys are to "not cry because boys don't cry", "toughen up", "be a man", "real men don't do this", "don't be a faggot or sissy." Little girls are to "do as daddy (later on men) tell them to do", "should not express themselves" etc. such suppression causes grave damage the the little boy/girl and great damage to the heart. This further feeds the fragmentation of the mind because untidy is severed.
It is through remembering who we are and by letting go of the stories we tell ourselves and were force-fed to us that we start to melt this armor and live more freely. Times are changing and being stuck in a box isn't as common anymore, societally. Forcing our heart into a box isn't as easy anymore because the light of consciousness is piercing through the density of darkness that fear once held us captive with. Things are shifting. Men and women today are integrating because children are growing up more integrated. It's beautiful to see how in the gay community we have the "category" of Queer being a place where labels no longer define what we are and who we are allowed to love. Bisexuality is becoming more common for men because it seems as though men are remembering the freedom in this. The playfulness in this. The ability to love more freely based on what the heart desires and not an old script that prevented love from being fully expressed as individually designed. Love is freedom and we are loving more. Love isn't bound by labels. It is all the colors.
Loving ourselves and all our pieces ties it all together and reminds us that we are whole. The wounds are to be looked at with an awareness that our soul demands if we are to live life fully as victors victoriously and joyfully. One of my missions in life has been to provide a space for women to feel safe in the works and with the masculine energy. Another one of my missions and purpose is to support/create a forum for men where men can remember the Sacred Masculine within which is an integration of feminine and masculine by reminding men to include their hearts and cultivate a relationship within that uses the power of awareness to transform the wounds, and allow the fragments to participate in the whole. I wrote a piece not that long ago that spoke of the three main categories of boys, guys and men. The ultimate goal is to have a man integrated with all three. I'm inviting this because I am modeling this by living this and doing my work everyday.
It is an adventure for me now. I can now navigate through the darkness by holding more light and freely moving about within darkness because I'm not afraid of the dark any longer. I'm no longer afraid of what I'll find. I'm more curious about what still lurks and I'm finding myself in adventures that are sometimes loopy but that return me back to me eventually in a more unified way. I'm inviting boys, guys and men to be a part of the circle, bring balance to our lives and this planet by embarking on the journey with consciousness that becomes the Sacred Masculine. Let's explore that dense space that invites violence into our lives/minds and help it to shift with more awareness. Let's come into our hearts more fully. Heal old wounds that keep us from ourselves by sinking into the vulnerability of what the wound appears as and transform into greatness. Let's go into our hearts and rediscover who we were that includes the beauty of who we were with the innocence of the child within us that's screaming for our attention. When are we done with the charades and games and hiding? Who will join me?