Behind the zipper of a man is more than we can conceivably bargain for. Lurking in the shadows of a man hides his past, present and future. This deep mystery is masked by this masculine strong facade. There is much more than testosterone that defines a man; an unspoken truth that isn’t always revealed to the host himself. This process requires subtle inquiry and a surrender of what societal influences have defined for us over the centuries.
In recent times, my meditation process has been about exploring the story of a man by diving deep and inquiring from my essence what this means amidst the folly of the universe and consciousness. During these exploratory sessions and viewing the revelations through my own journey of awakening, I have been shown how deep the mystery of a man is. (At this point as I'm still meditating and exploring.) I see how we have been governed by not only current societal domestications but through influences spanning ancestral lineages, going back millennia. Years and years, generations upon generations, centuries upon centuries, the compiling of pressure that latently is embedded in the crevices of our being, genetically encoded with so much fear, so much wounding.
Day to day, I interact with men from this place of perspective and insight, ranging from simple eye contact/eye avoidance to a man lying on my massage table and I explore his tissues that secretly reveal anger, repression, suppression, old tears of past sorrows and future fears. From intimate moments, while satisfying earthly pleasures, to social gatherings of sorts where men pool together to express their "manliness," I ask my essence and their inner master to speak to me and show me its secrets.
Behind our eyes, we have seen and personally experienced grave injustices committed. We have held our tears and concealed our truth as victims to oppressive forces that are inherently caused by an imbalanced patriarchal system that lacks the softness of the feminine energy. We were taught to toughen up, be strong, not express emotion, "act like a man", work hard/play harder, fight, attack, destroy, conquer, be stern and immovable. We carry our own pain to the point of disease formation and sometimes we say "mercy," most often we take it to our graves. This weight upon our shoulders remains generally untapped. There are glimpses over time when we are able to perceive these rays of hope and healing but often are the case that the defense systems engage and shield us once again. Though we may think that we are hiding from the world, our intense secrets, we are really hiding from ourselves through denial. Our being, our essence and our soul tattle on us through our eyes. Yet and sometimes simultaneously, we think we can avoid eye contact because we know this on some level; without realizing that even the act of avoiding eye contact is an action that reveals so much just as quickly.
Behind this majestic presence of masculine that we show up with, we often hide behind such definitions that are actually superficial and shallow. In what we think we are concealing, others who have done the inner mining will simply see the child of the man. I love the old saying "the child is father to the man." (This wraps it all up in seven words.) When I confer with woman and other men who have done much inner work and healing, the common theme of how so many men walk around with their inner young boys playing dress up in suits of adult men is amazing! We can and tend to remain our own versions of unchartered territories that can draw to us grave consequences and situations least likely in our favor, to the point that this unconsciousness can circle around and we repeat patterns of harm to ourselves and the world around us. This is how we pass down generation to generation deeply seated wounds and into seeds of our unborn.
We generally roam freely, but as men are we truly free when we carry such burden and feel stifled to the point of numbness? We are limited in our words and we attempt to use words to describe emotions but in a round-about fashion or we use the "wrong" words to navigate but we end up more lost than the beginning of the journey. This is how conflict is created and how many relationships fail, or don't even have a chance to set sail. This is the perfect springboard opportunity to take responsibility for ourselves and to make a change.
We roam around unattached, one way or another, and venture sexually meanwhile justifying our behavior that this is "what we do because we are men" or fall prey to the story that it's "dictated by evolution and biology". But, how true is this? To some extent, it is true but it isn't fully truthful because it would seem as though we are falling into unconsciousness again while we chalk over our behaviors to predetermined ideas. Yet, let's ask ourselves "where did this idea truly start from to begin with?" Yes, evolution is a process that's generally considered real but what was the impetus? Where did this process start from? A thought in cosmic consciousness maybe?
"Show me yours and I'll show you mine." As early as childhood, we play such games from an innocent place because we learn to explore the world through comparison. We get older and then this simple game still exists but is played under different categories, from the child mind to the adult version, and basically divide it into two categories with overlapping. Let's first look at the two categories, though be mindful that there's no absolute because there's always a gray area. First group is where as we mature we side with sexual expression. By this, I mean that as children we are just sensitive boys simply exploring the world and not fixed by rigid rules like man/woman. We may be fundamentally heterosexual but have a small (in most cases) undeniable curiosity for same sex connection and even intimacy; but are generally herded into this group to fit the current standards. This group will tend to repress (knowingly/unknowingly) some of the curiosity or on some level forego the idea and integrate it into sports, politics, gym activities and athleticism. How we still hold the idea of "show me yours and I'll show you mine" is through competition in seeing who the alpha male is. This is like most species where male energy is present. It's the "normal behavior" per say, of even mating/courting and/or even just being pack leader. The other group becomes homosexual (gay men), and usually undergoes a much more tumultuous path (less so these days and at least less in bigger cities). I say tumultuous because there's usually a coming out process that happens, where for heterosexual men there isn't. Men in this second group can and do still participate in similar activities to the other group but with one more advantage, which is sexual liberation to some degree. In the gay male world where we say "show me yours and I'll show you mine", we mean it literally. Gay men spend a lot of time focusing on the penis, more easily and more openly. Not necessarily all gay men, but a good proportion. The dialogue is usually about "how big are you?" but it is also around how much of a "man" you are in other ways, which is not that different from the heterosexual realm. As men, regardless of grouping, we have two heads but one mind and in between is the referee known as the heart. Biologically, physically, the body has its own needs and intelligence. The mind has its own story and can dictate like a king, over the kingdom, which is the body and direct it into peace or traffic.
When the heart is involved there is balance of body and mind. When there is chaos of body and mind, the heart suffers. We must clear up this traffic jam and miscommunication and allow the heart to speak and be listened to. By doing so, we can avoid health complications of mind and body. This is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. In giving this to ourselves, we inevitably radiate this outwardly to all those around us which can ripple across the planet and influence the generations to come. By doing our work and really becoming intimate with our own wounds we can heal ourselves from the inside out. We can fully show up in a true sense of balance in both our masculine and feminine, and we can be fully grounded in the world because we are living life, in light, light in our bodies (verses dense and compressed), along with being integrated and in harmony with the Earth and stars. We cannot be fully integrated unless we can look at, embrace and hold space for ourselves and hold all the pieces of ourselves under the awareness and acceptance of pure loving acceptance itself. We can have improved health and relationships which are interdependent. We can heal our own past and have a bright future. We can transform the violence into peace by inviting our own personal healing journey to take over. Our deepest self is yearning and sometimes screaming to get out. It's time for us to listen to this inner voice that beckons from our hearts and where our inner little boys still live feeling abandoned because our minds have spearheaded our reality.
There’s work to be done. We are each responsible for ourselves. Are you ready to start? Are you ready to show up? Are you ready to do this work along my side? We don’t have to do this alone. Actually, it’s best if we didn’t. We do have to go in by ourselves but we will soon discover that we aren’t alone. Are you ready? Because I am and I invite you.